My, How the Tables Have Turned.

"Nobody ever had a rainbow, baby, before they had the rain." Good quote Jim Croce..."Tomorrow's gonna be a brighter day, there's gonna be some changes."

Here I am 3wks later, back to being my independent, proud, single white female. Is my life in shambles? Sure it is. Will I get by & survive? Sure, I will. I always do. And Jim Croce, I've had more rain storms than the Amazon during monsoon season. This to shall pass.

Being the female that I am, I tried to take all blame for this breakup. I took blame for things I didn't even do just to try & work things out. I am VERY aware of my imperfections, & when I forget them, someone in my family quickly & firmly reminds me:) I was good as gold to that boy. Was it all my fault? No way, Jose!! I was dating a 22yr old! HELLO...which really means w/ an 18yr old's mentality. Ha. I'm bitter, no doubt. I deserve to be. When you don't get an answer to why your heart is being broken, what do you expect? Typical BOYS.

As funny as it is, Bill O'Reilly's Bold, Fresh Piece of Humanity is getting me through this. I love how arrogant he is b/c he's right. A quote, "Except---and accept nothing from anyone else. Do it yourself...and after you've succeeded, share some of what you've achieved with those not as strong as you will become...Taking stuff makes you weaker. Earning stuff makes you stronger." Although those statements are simple, they mean A LOT. In 2010, we are way weaker than in the 50's as far as working/earning goes. So many ppl are accepting help from parents, grandparents, the government. I'm here to tell you I don't make a killing, but I'll be damned if I get assistance. I've worked really hard to be where I am. Did it on my own, & I'ma keep doing it on my own.

Go ahead & call me Carry Bradshaw b/c this is my Sex & the City column. Hhaha. I write this personal info to you b/c I love expressing my feelings, as you've all learned. It helps me. I've been damaged throughout the years, & like Bill O'Reilly says, I will share my success with anyone who's willing to listen. My family has been so amazing. I've spent much needed time w/ them. 'Ole Daddio & I have kicked back w/ our brewskies & resolved a lot of past issues.

My mom is amazing. We didn't really have much of a relationship from my freshman yr in high school to my sophomore yr in college. It's hard for me at times b/c I easily build up animosity & resentment. I'm learning though, slowly but surely, that's not the way of life. I've forgiven. I may not have forgotten, but I'm realizing holding grudges to my loved ones only ends in pain for all of us. I'm the person I am today for all of this. Mama Kim has been there this past month w/ bells on. Rubbing my belly like I'm a sick 6yr old.

Not to mention the rest of my clan...they're all amazing. I'm soooo lucky to have the strong, foundation my grandparents set years ago. Grandpa Fred passed away 9yrs ago Aug 26. Still miss him daily. I was 14, & I didn't know you could miss grandparents so much, as bad as that may sound. God bless him.

Also, Ben Trussell's birthday was yesterday. RIP. We celebrated his life & surrounded ourselves around friends & music. Miss that kid too, bad. It was great to see his mom & hug & squeeze her so tight. Love & miss you buddy!!!!

As I looked at my patient who is terminal on Sunday, I thought, "Gah, we so easily take advantage of how great our lives are". We take for granted our smart phones, pedicures, pizza & beer, our luxurious cars, etc. When ppl may never get the chance to even get a driver's license, you know? Thank you, God, so much for letting me have loved ones, a job, a car, and my health. We all should sit back & thank him. Another thing about O'Reilly, he's a strong, faithful Catholic. He speaks of his spirituality which no one can ever take from us.

...Til next time.