The Last Song

There are 3 types of overdose. Some ppl OD for attention, some OD in hopes to really end their life, & some OD b/c they think just one more hit will help them reach the ultimate high. Well, in this case, ultimate=death.

In my short 23yrs, I feel like I have been exposed to many different situations. The first 2 types of ODing, I have witnessed. I did the whole cancer thing as a child, both of my parents could have been on Intervention at one time, & I have a sister whom society might classify as handicapped. I don't usually play this card, but my parents divorced & I've dealt w/ stepparents, half-siblings. Not that these things have been bad, but when you go through that kind of stuff, you can relate to more ppl & you see things in a different light. Times have been rough before, & I'm still here. Life consists of trials & tribulations; you just deal w/ it. Even little things like growing up Catholic in the Southern of Southern Bible belt. Everything you encounter, you take something from it, whether it be -/+. Don't get me wrong, I've been negative about a lot of things, but I still have this mentality that whatever it is, you can get through it. I expect everyone to come out on top. The thing I most often forget is that not everyone has the support system I have. My family is the greatest in the world, & my parents instilled such great values in us. Everyone's got a little dys in their function.

What I'm getting at is that I hate to see someone fall when they could have been saved. Even when times hit rock bottom, there is still light ahead. Of all the experiences I've had, nothing could have prepared me for February 7, 2010 11:38am. The world lost a very special person that day. This is my story, how I see it.

At 10:57, I was driving my cousin's car to retrieve some things from my car from the Docks. My cousin A knew I would be out & about, yet he didn't know when, if I had left yet, or not. Pulling out of the parking lot where my car was, I get a phone call. "Can you go pick up V, they took Ben to the hospital." I was just about to pass the cabins that they were at, coincidence? Ben, a glorious spirit, talented musician, & humble 25y/o was one of our great friends from out of town, even though at times he seemed to be an original Scottsborian. He's been around since 2008. Throughout those 2 yrs, he had managed to play for my Aunt's wedding, my graduation party, my cousin's parties, & every few wknds at the Docks (Restaurant/ Night life). We would drive to Huntsville just to see Ben, even if we had just heard him the day before. He did a lot of covers, but he also shared many originals w/ us. The melodies he could create were unbelievable. Words would flow from his mouth like an angel above. To top it off, he had an amazing personality, cracking jokes, and being sweet when necessary. He became apart of our little family, & he brought his family around us, too. He was very family oriented. Not living in my hometown, my family & friends grew closer to him than I did, but it didn't take long to fall in love w/ him. Canoe trips, being on the lake, eating at Hooter's, having heart to hearts about our families, watching AU football, going to A & M's house to see Ben living on the couch for the past 3 days. He had a little bit of a gypsy soul.

So when I received that phone call about him, I quickly assumed drug overdose, pump the stomach w/ charcoal, & call it a day. Not that I should think so lightly of the it all, but w/ my experiences of OD & working at a hospital where I see about 6-15 ingestions/month, that's what I assume. Not sure if you guys remember but in a previous entry, I mentioned how the greatest musicians died early, esp from drugs. He falls into that category...more potential, talent, love than most. Addiction is a dirty disease, & if ppl could only reach out for help before it's too late.

When I got to the cabin, I realized it was way more serious than I thought. The firetruck was pulling out & there were a few police cars remaining. I've known Ben's family since this summer, but not well enough to be there at that time. Taking my nurse role, I assessed the situation, tried to calm everyone, & plan what we needed to do. His mom was still there, so I offered to take her to the ER. We get in the car, not sure if I should put on my flashers & get there ASAP, drive normal, what. V & his mom are about to hyperventilate in the car. I start saying Hail Mary's. It is 11:21am as we drive to the ER. We get there, I hop out ready to run in the hospital. His mom stops & says, "I'm scared." I grab her, doing my best to console in this intense situation.

My grandma has lost 2 of her baby boys, one who was 13 & the other around 44. Even though she is the strongest woman a lot of ppl know, all my life she has broken down about her Billy. Then at Uncle Andy's funeral, I witnessed her squeal harder than I could ever imagine at the loss of a son. No parent should outlive their children. I'm scared too as we walked in, in fear for his mom.

V, his mom, & I walk into the consultation room. I wasn't sure if I should go or not, but she didn't have any family there, so I knew V & I would have to be for now. This doesn't look good. The EMT's come in then a nurse asking about health problems & what not. I txt my cousin A, get here now, he didnt' have a pulse the whole way to the ER. Then the MD walks in & tells us. It's over.

We hold her. Some other friends walk in. The ER waiting room fills w/in minutes of his Scottsboro friends. His older brother gets there. His dad is on the way to town. We stay there for about 2 1/2 hrs just standing outside of the consultation room where his family is. Seeing a grown man cry that day was nothing surprising. The hold that Ben had on us was like no other. For him to leave us, really hit the group hard. This is the worst thing we've ever experienced. Nobody knew what to say, so we shared funny stories of him & cried & cried & cried.

February 6, 2010- E & T's Stock the Bar Shower...Ben played. After the shower, we all went to the Docks, where he also played. Anytime he was playing, you know we were all up dancing, singing out hearts out. He had to have hated us trying to out-sing him & dancing like we knew how. It came to the point where we wanted to hear more of his originals than covers. (Even though he DOES sing "Into the Mystic" better than Van Morrison, himself.) I never realized how precious he was until that day. He came up to me, told me he hadn't drank in a few wks, was eating right, & exercising. I cheered him on. It really was a phenomenal p.m. Half of my cousins were there, Aunt M & Uncle C, & all of my friends. Ben knew how to draw a crowd. The last time I never knew I'd see Ben was around 0230a Feb 7, 2010.

We are just a small portion of his friends. Ben played w/ many other talented musicians & acquired many fans, regulars, & admirers.

Here I am today still dreaming about him, reminiscing, mourning, & listening to his music every time I drive. I am mad he's gone for many reasons: he was too young to die, he should't have died that way, he had much more to accomplish & would have musically, he needs to be here this summer strumming his guitar when we're all on the boat. One thing about Ben is that if you ever asked him to play, he never said "Nah, I don't feel like it...Later." He didn't play guitar to look cool or get girls (which came w/ it anyway:) ), or to say I'm a musician, blah blah. He was the epitome of a humble man. You usually don't find that in a 25y/o. He is w/ God now though, which is the sweetest gift he'll ever receive.

We miss you, Ben... and in his own words: "There's people we lost, ohh people love, yeah. Some call it irony, but I call it signs from above."