'Tis the Season!

Merrrrrrryyyy Christmas to all! It's the best time of the year! Holiday cheer, family time, & good food! Not to mention, my birthday is in 8 days! Whoop Whoop!!!


I have so many funny stories to share, so here goes:


1st things 1st, WAR EAGLE!!!! SEC Champs & on our way to Glendale! Couldn't ask for anything better! (Who cares about the Cam Scam?!?! No one is perfect; families sale each other out a lot. This hoopla does not take away his talent, & nothing can!! It's eating those Bama fans up! Just be happy your state is being represented for the 2nd yr in a row!)


I had the chance to attend both AU vs SC games this season. Fun times! Atlanta is a fun place. You know I didn't leave that town w/out making 17 new friends. Sunday, we had parked our car in valet. Well, when it came closing time for the parking lot, RSD & I had to go get the car, but we weren't ready to leave this underground restaurant. It was was sooo cold!!! I was trying to hurry back in the heat. I hurried allllllright; busted my tail down a flight of stairs! Hahah! In my embarrassed stupor, I sat by a man named Frank to tell him the whole story. He didn't care, but I pretended he did. This one guy asked me why I was a Bears fan b/c I had a southern accent! I said, "Excuse me, Grandma Peg is from Chicago, & I am not that southern!" They don't know who Gma Peg, & there's no denying a Southern accent!!! That's me being ridiculous. P.S. Yay Bears!! Come on playoffs!


I also went to the LSU/Bama game (& I did not cheer for LSU, even though I wanted to!!) We stayed in the Big Easy, but drove to Baton Rouge for the game. That city knows how to do it, & do it big!! Almost frightening the way those guys know how to throw down! We had hit up Bourbon St. that Fri & returned on Sat p.m. RSD must have made an impression the 1st p.m b/c at the Funky Pirate, the bartender said, "Mr. D, back again??" Hahha! She continued, "Pretty impressive when a bartender on Bourbon St. can remember your name!!" I love my life! We stayed at a MOTEL (Yes, motel!) that one of their friends fixed up after Katrina. I was a little nervous to say the least when the tenants were walking around w/ Busch Gold 40's! We tried & tried to get a taxi, but no one ever came through. Finally, we hop in one, & we ask why it's so hard to get a taxi over there. Mind you, the New Orleans taxi driver, says, "b/c you're in the ghetto!!!" My life wasn't in jeopardy, nah. Hahah!


Halloween at work, a coworker & I dressed up as the Super Mario brothers. Well, the only costumes we could find were 'Boys Huskies'. She's about 4'11'' & myself being 5'7''. She was Luigi & me, Mario! Hahah it was funny b/c her pants were dragging the ground & mine looked like pedal pushers! Halloween was on a Sat, along w/ the Magic City Classic in Bham. Not a good idea to go get take out, but she & I did. We called our order in for all our coworkers & ran to get it. Formaggios was PACKED out w/ costumes & ppl from the game. She & I were the cleanest as in hygiene & our costume choice. Well, of course, they didn't have my order. He asked what I wanted. I said, "Spaghetti & meatballs." This drunkard passed me & said, "Imagine that: Mario ordering spaghetti & meatballs!" Hahah punk! To top it off, the girl I was w/ ran into an ex that she hadn't seen in about 6yrs!!! We had on mustaches for crying out loud! What a night!


Every year at work, we're required to go to simulation labs. There's a group of ppl (MDs, respiratory therapists, nurses, pharmacists, etc), & you're given a scenario to handle. It's as real as it can get w/ manequins that have pulses, can turn blue, & moving anatomical parts. If it's a code scenario, you open the crash cart as if it were real life. Of course we have 9days left in the year of 2010, & I have procrastinated. I finally finished my last one Thursday. Usually I go w/ nurses from my unit so I'm more comfortable. You can only imagine the anxiety I harbor during those activities! haha! Well, I rounded up another nurse who has been a nurse a little over a yr, like me. I thought that's okay b/c there will be more nurses. WRONG! There were like 6 doctors, & 3 nurses! We were divided into 2 rooms! I was sooo nervous! One of the MD's acted like an EMT worker for the scenario & during 'saving the patient', he fakes a seizure! I was like, "Really??" Hahha! You would know it was the 1st time for them to do that scenario too. Hahah. I survived, however, it wasn't easy! Hahah

Happy Holidays!

Consider it Done.

I'm over it. Wow, that was a lot easier said, typed, thought, ect. than expected. I've had my little revelation. And while you probably could have hospitalized me 2mos ago, I feel amazing and have for a week now. C wasn't "the one", my "true love", my soul mate, perfect, meant to be, blah blah. He passed the time...what I like to call a passer-byer. That's what he'll remain if he keeps treating girls the way he does. Judging by his track record, yep, a passer-byer,. C got me over T & that's the only reason he was in my life. My oldest sister kept saying, "Megan, I think you're struggling with this b/c you've never been rejected." (Screwed over, definitely, but never dropped like a bad habit.) I said, "No, no, you're wrong. I really am upset b/c...well blah blah blah." She was right. Plus, I happen to always catch the eyes of BOYS who have more of an ALLOWANCE than my pay check. What winners!!!!

WORK- amazing! I'm afraid I've grown to attached to too many of my patients!! I can't help it...working 7days in a row, you learn to love them!!! Being a nurse has definitely made me completely inappropriate. As if I wasn't inappropriate before, but my career has worsened me!!! Like I said, I laugh at the wrong time...ALWAYS!!

I would like to tell you a story about a fax machine. I began faxing at age 13 when I was an office aide in Junior High, hah. So almost 11yrs later, I'm sending a fax via copy machine, & I ask for help from a colleague. She walks over & asks me if I hit the 'facsimile' button. I asked, "What did you call it??" She says, "Facsimilie." I said, "No way! That's how you pronounce it?? I've always thought it was facsimile (Fash-a-meal)!!" Bahahah!! That doesn't even make sense!!! I haven't told my dad b/c he will embarrassed I'm his daughter, so surprise, Dad, when you read this!!! hahahh!!

You know, reading my Bob O'Reilly book, I've decided I'm the Bob O'Reilly of my little world. At work, nothing is open the hours I'm there except the Go Store, which has candy, chips, hot dogs, (No, I don't work at a baseball field), & sandwiches. The ladies who make them could possibly be the MEANEST women ALIVE!!!!!! It's like the Seinfeld episode "No soup for you!!". You can't order too fast or too slow. They will bite your head off either way. They're like black widows, evil. (Side story: At a young age, I watched a documentary w/ my mom on black widows being in shoes. To this day, I check my shoes for spiders!!!! What? Why? So they can bite my hand? Isn't logical, I know.) Anyway, I happen to ask for my sandwich toasted, which REALLY ticks them off, b/c they say w/ the worst attitude possible, "WE CAN'T TOAST. WE HAVE A GRILL!" It's a panini presser basically, get over yourself. So, my fellow colleagues don't go to the Go Store w/ me b/c they don't want to be associated w/ me since I always get in trouble my the Sandwich Maker. I get it; you don't like making grilled cheeses at 0430, but I don't enjoy wiping butt either at that hour...it's all apart of the job description! I get rude w/ them b/c they treat ppl soooooo horribly!!!!

To end this entry, I'd like to tell you things I do/don't believe it. I know I can be obnoxious w/ my opinions (like O'Reilly, himself), & I do believe there can be exceptions to every rule, so don't cast me out yet. Here goes:

Don't believe in:

ADHD/ADD: Kids, who wants to do homework?? I'd much rather watch TV too, but turn off the Play Station, & do your damn homework. While you're at it, play outside until the street lights come on, may do you some justice.

Fibromyalgia: Definition= Chronic pain (chronic mean lasting >6 mos). Really? Whose back doesn't hurt after working all day or eyeballs from staring at a computer screen? I'd like to cut my legs off half the time after I run, but I don't....& I don't take pain medicine. Man up!

Brazilian Butt Lift/P90x/diet pills: Umm, get your lazy butt off the couch, take away the potato chips, & do some lunges!!! Run, walk, lift weights, whatever. You don't need to get a booty boot after spending your life savings on Ally & Jillian Michael's tapes. Try exercising.

Any reality show about New Jersey: Real winners. They are darker than my Mexican relatives in TX. Stop w/ the orange spray tans. 'The Situation' came out w/ a book. Who knew he could read & write?? Can't wait to read about his 6pack & nasty girls he takes home every night. I may be from Alabama, but yeah, New Jersey, you look real cool.

SPCA/PETA: Really??? What about the children who get beat or live in orphanages? Enough said.

What I believe in:

Confession: Half my life in this Bible Belt state, I've been criticized for going to confession. You try admitting your faults/sins to someone, & tell me how it goes. It's embarrassing & afterwards, you decide that maybe you shouldn't do that again b/c you don't want to have to confess to another human being.

Music: Well, ppl that write their own music goes a lot farther. Music is probably one of my saving graces. I love to apply every lyric to my life, whether it's about a country singer who lost their dog or a rap song about losing yourself. Hahah. I could be retarded.

Paying it Forward: No good deed goes unnoticed.

Karma: It may contradict my religious beliefs, but I honestly believe you will be reimbursed for the good & bad things you do. When I screw up, it's not a day later, something bad happens to me. Look at my flat tire record, okay?

Mexican workers: I may be bias b/c my Grandma's name is Dora, but what else 74yr old do you know that works 40hrs/wk. She loves her job; she loves to work. They are verrrrry hard workers.


Enough is enough!! Bye Bye!!!! :)

Doing it & Doing it BIG

Hi!!
Get ready for some good stories:)

One more day before I start my 7 nights of work! The weather is fading into fall!!! Yes!

I went to my beloved AU this past wknd!!! If you recall, last time I went I kinda felt out of place, being an old graduate. Did I feel too old to be there this time? Yes, but I didn't care!! WDE! It was a phenom time- great food, friends, tailgating, & we won! My cousin T is neighbors w/ 4 of the football players. As we were rolling in after the game, so was one of her neighbors. Of course we run over there to congratulate, sing, & chant to him. We invite him over to eat with us. Poor guy had just worked his butt off & was hungry!

Sometimes, I open my mouth, words come out, & I look back & think "WHY would I say that???" I told this sweet football player that we had brownies! Then, I said, "...but there's nothing special in them."...only to find out he got suspended the 1st 2 games for marijuana!! AHHHH!! Like, I've never even had those type of brownies, so why would I say that?!?!!? It's okay though, I think b/c I made up for it by making sure he had enough to eat...& also telling him to remember me if/when he goes Pro. hahah...Doubt he'll want to remember me!

While in AU, I went running up T's street & back. It's funny to see all of the "college'd out cars"...souped up trucks w/ more stickers than Lisa Frank ever imagined & girls' cars w/ their sorority letters. When I purchased my new car, I retired the sorority stickers. Here I am, prob looking 30yrs old compared to them, only to come home to a car w/ a GOP sticker. Hah! I'll admit it's nice to have entered the career world though.

You know, this breakup has kinda been good for me. I've scored some free meals & drinks:) All I have to do is tell my sob story, & people say, "Oh, that asshole! Let me get you a drink!!" Hahha. Now, I would never take advantage of my sad, pitiful life (I'm so dramatic!) to get ahead, but I don't mind the benefits!!! Hahah. Kidding.

Music is my sanity. I like to think every song can be applied to my life. I only wish I could be so clever & talented to write those lines myself.

A few wks ago, I stopped by Auto Zone after wrestling toddlers for 12hrs & driving 2 hrs. Needless to say, I wasn't looking my best. I needed some Rain-X & Amorall (sp?). I enter the store & the cashier says, "Hello, hi, how are you??" I smile, "Good, thanks." As I'm walking through the isles, he speaks to me again. "Good morning to you too." I'm like dude, I'm trying to stay outta dodge b/c I saw someone from high school & was too tired to shoot the bull. I get in line. He asks aggggaiinnn how I am. I still smile b/c I hate to be rude. He takes my debit card, looks at the back, & asks to see my license. I'm thinking surely he doesn't think I'm trying to steal Rain-X. He goes, "Myyyy, that is a realllly good picture." Turning beet red, "Haha, thanks." "I mean, sorry, I just had to comment b/c usually they aren't good pics." "Hahah, yeah." Really? I leave after saying goodbye about 4x!

I get to my mom's & tell her the funny story. She's like, "Megan, he wanted to see your name or age or something...he didn't think you were committing credit card fraud." Hahahhah. I love my life.

Can I please say, I do not care about Justin Bieber!!! What is so great about this tween?? (It's not preteen anymore haha) I mean, go to school, hit puberty, & then try to sing! Every time I hear his songs, I think, "Oh, who's this new girl singer?" Ugh!! I'm so aggravated by him!!!

I watched Biggest Loser last p.m for the 1st time. Wow. I never knew it was so sad!! I got choked up several times. I also watched Keeping up with the Kardashians the other day. I usually just stick to shows like Law & Order: SVU, Shark Week, & Seinfeld. I'm a dork, yes. Back to my story, I don't know how I feel about the Kardashians. They're all pretty, but I don't understand whats so special.

See ya guys!!!!

My, How the Tables Have Turned.

"Nobody ever had a rainbow, baby, before they had the rain." Good quote Jim Croce..."Tomorrow's gonna be a brighter day, there's gonna be some changes."

Here I am 3wks later, back to being my independent, proud, single white female. Is my life in shambles? Sure it is. Will I get by & survive? Sure, I will. I always do. And Jim Croce, I've had more rain storms than the Amazon during monsoon season. This to shall pass.

Being the female that I am, I tried to take all blame for this breakup. I took blame for things I didn't even do just to try & work things out. I am VERY aware of my imperfections, & when I forget them, someone in my family quickly & firmly reminds me:) I was good as gold to that boy. Was it all my fault? No way, Jose!! I was dating a 22yr old! HELLO...which really means w/ an 18yr old's mentality. Ha. I'm bitter, no doubt. I deserve to be. When you don't get an answer to why your heart is being broken, what do you expect? Typical BOYS.

As funny as it is, Bill O'Reilly's Bold, Fresh Piece of Humanity is getting me through this. I love how arrogant he is b/c he's right. A quote, "Except---and accept nothing from anyone else. Do it yourself...and after you've succeeded, share some of what you've achieved with those not as strong as you will become...Taking stuff makes you weaker. Earning stuff makes you stronger." Although those statements are simple, they mean A LOT. In 2010, we are way weaker than in the 50's as far as working/earning goes. So many ppl are accepting help from parents, grandparents, the government. I'm here to tell you I don't make a killing, but I'll be damned if I get assistance. I've worked really hard to be where I am. Did it on my own, & I'ma keep doing it on my own.

Go ahead & call me Carry Bradshaw b/c this is my Sex & the City column. Hhaha. I write this personal info to you b/c I love expressing my feelings, as you've all learned. It helps me. I've been damaged throughout the years, & like Bill O'Reilly says, I will share my success with anyone who's willing to listen. My family has been so amazing. I've spent much needed time w/ them. 'Ole Daddio & I have kicked back w/ our brewskies & resolved a lot of past issues.

My mom is amazing. We didn't really have much of a relationship from my freshman yr in high school to my sophomore yr in college. It's hard for me at times b/c I easily build up animosity & resentment. I'm learning though, slowly but surely, that's not the way of life. I've forgiven. I may not have forgotten, but I'm realizing holding grudges to my loved ones only ends in pain for all of us. I'm the person I am today for all of this. Mama Kim has been there this past month w/ bells on. Rubbing my belly like I'm a sick 6yr old.

Not to mention the rest of my clan...they're all amazing. I'm soooo lucky to have the strong, foundation my grandparents set years ago. Grandpa Fred passed away 9yrs ago Aug 26. Still miss him daily. I was 14, & I didn't know you could miss grandparents so much, as bad as that may sound. God bless him.

Also, Ben Trussell's birthday was yesterday. RIP. We celebrated his life & surrounded ourselves around friends & music. Miss that kid too, bad. It was great to see his mom & hug & squeeze her so tight. Love & miss you buddy!!!!

As I looked at my patient who is terminal on Sunday, I thought, "Gah, we so easily take advantage of how great our lives are". We take for granted our smart phones, pedicures, pizza & beer, our luxurious cars, etc. When ppl may never get the chance to even get a driver's license, you know? Thank you, God, so much for letting me have loved ones, a job, a car, and my health. We all should sit back & thank him. Another thing about O'Reilly, he's a strong, faithful Catholic. He speaks of his spirituality which no one can ever take from us.

...Til next time.

Summer Time & the Livin's Easy

Hello all! Have no fear, the embarrassing stories have not ended; it's just summer time, & I've been on the go.

The Altima has a little more personality to it now after ordering a GOP sticker online to put in Rt rear corner!! She feels more confident now zipping in and out of those Blue Dots on the I-65. My sister says I shouldn't put things like that on my car b/c 'people have different views/opinions" Blah Blah, Ry! What's new. I've got to sport my Republican pride. (Not that they've stopped the Oil Spill or anything, but I'm still for 'em). Dad says I shouldn't put that on my car b/c I live in the "city". hhaha. Don't worry, Pops, I can hold my own. Next time I blog, I will have tried and named her.

I did successfully hit my first curb, & God must have been on my side b/c I left with not a scratch. It's weird going on road trips not having to turn the radio down every 2min to check & see if I have a flat tire....you know it's still in the back of my head, though.

Work is great! Loving the kids. I still feel like a novice nurse, but that will come in time. It's comforting to know nurses that have worked 30yrs still ask Q's & get 2nd opinions. I can tell that the depressing aspect will never get any better as I can see on my charge nurse's face when we get a sad case. It's all worth it though, in the end.

C and I doing fineeeeeeeee. He drove me to the 'ole annual OHIO checkup. I've never taken a boyfriend to see Dr. K, so it was kind of serious. We had a great time, eating at places of Man vs. Food (i.e. gaining 10lbs), walking 5.1 miles in sandals downtown only to find out the Brewery we were headed to had moved, & trekking through the Flash Flood warning of N. High St. Hahah. In all honesty, it was a great little getaway, even when the nurse asked me about my bowel habits & if I had a weight problem. Of course, I HAVE a WEIGHT PROBLEM; I'm a 23y/o female, & it's almost bathing suit weather!!!! C knows me well, though, b/c when I came out of the gas station, he had placed a pack of Pepto on my pillow in the front seat:) hahah.

We were in IKEA the other day...P.S...have you ever been there?!? The place is crazy & has everything you can imagine. They have rooms on display that you can pretty much say I want this, and they install everything from the bed & mattress to dishwashers & and shower curtains to potted plants. They have every style, color, pattern, female/male choices you could ever want/need. My sandal broke once we hit the bottom level (there are 3 or 4 & a lunch room!) , so I had to walk like I had a limp the next 1.5hrs. I tried to talk to myself to calm me until I realized I then looked like a crazy w/ a limp. hahaha.The thing is, that I usually have about 11 extra pairs of shoes including running shoes, comfy, everyday flip flops, dressier flip flops, sandals, & even stillettos...I had just cleaned my car out the day before. Speaks volume.

Alright guys, going to enjoy the rest of my day off. Will return soon, promise! Love!

2 months later.

Heyo! The weather has been sooo beautiful, minus the 4in film of pollen on everything! It's been a busy 2 months. Been to the beach 2x, purchased a car, my cousin's getting married this wknd, etc! So much to share w/ you guys.

Still working up a storm. Kind of missing school. Not like the college experience, but the actual learning part. Whoa, I'm a nerd. Plus I don't like paying $250/mo in loans! hah. I' want to travel nurse, rake in the bucks, gain a ton of experience, & see some more of our great country. Looks like I better get it in before this "health care plan" passes since my paycheck is will go to crap. You need a yr or more of experience, so I'm just waiting until Oct. I need to get back into school too, though, so I just don't know what do w/ my life. UAB is the #1 nursing grad school in the US, but I would love to live in TN, too. The STRESS.

Speaking of this preposterous health care plan...the GOP has made several amendments (thank Heavens)...one which includes: Sex offenders will not be eligible for erectile dysfunction drugs. How ridic is it that that even needs to be stated?...but I love it. Makes perfect, logical sense!

I've been seeing a guy whom I met at our late beloved, Ben Trussell's tribute. Funny how things work out. He was a close friend to Ben too, so it's peculiar how we never met until the night of the tribute, Feb 14. It's different than anything before, so I'm soaking it all in. 2 months has seemed like 6 in a good way.

Car shopping has been a job. The '99 Honda has needed daily interventions, soo I thought it may be time to throw the towel in. I've been doing car research since Jan...wasn't going to let those car salesman get the best of me!! haha. I even asked to look under the hood!! Really the only things I knew to look for were where the oil dipstick is, where to add antifreeze/H2O, and if it had 4cylinders. haha. Saturday, I bought a new Altima (prob devalued about 4grand when I drove off the lot, but whatev) We were there from 1030-330!! C came w/ me b/c he's great (goodness knows I wouldn't want to sit through all that!). Well, wait a minute, it was about the hottest day of the yr, & during a test drive, he turned my heat warmer on. Punk. I was already profusely sweating from 'the Anxiety'. hahha.

We hadn't eaten all day. We were about to close up shop, doing a few housekeeping things like going over the inside of the car, ANDDDD the lady says, "Oh, hold on one minute, I've got to run to the restroom." WHATTTT? hahahha. I mean I didn't know if she suffered from IBS or overactive bladder, but come on! My stomach's eating my gallbladder, lady! hah. I love my new car, but she just doesn't have any personality yet. Hmm. Maybe w/ time? Then again, the Honda has too much personality...banged up on each side from curbs, buggies, cars, etc.

Remember the Aunt Mary's pants story? Well, that night MG, some buds of ours, and I went to play trivia. Funny enough that our team name was, "I didn't know I was playing trivia w/ the Situation"...mocking the announcer who looked like that Guido from Jersey shore. Needless to say, we started out on a bad foot. It's packed in there. They ask 3 questions, you score accordingly to the confidence of your answer 2-6pts. We never win, but hell, we give her a try! J is walking back from the bathroom. The Q is something about Jimi Hendrix's first guitar/song/something. J yells "SEATTTTLE!" Just guuuureat. "The Situation" yells back at him, "Thatta way, deusch." Uh oh. hahhahaha. So we weren't making friends, to say the least.

Alright, I'll be back soon! Love!

The Last Song

There are 3 types of overdose. Some ppl OD for attention, some OD in hopes to really end their life, & some OD b/c they think just one more hit will help them reach the ultimate high. Well, in this case, ultimate=death.

In my short 23yrs, I feel like I have been exposed to many different situations. The first 2 types of ODing, I have witnessed. I did the whole cancer thing as a child, both of my parents could have been on Intervention at one time, & I have a sister whom society might classify as handicapped. I don't usually play this card, but my parents divorced & I've dealt w/ stepparents, half-siblings. Not that these things have been bad, but when you go through that kind of stuff, you can relate to more ppl & you see things in a different light. Times have been rough before, & I'm still here. Life consists of trials & tribulations; you just deal w/ it. Even little things like growing up Catholic in the Southern of Southern Bible belt. Everything you encounter, you take something from it, whether it be -/+. Don't get me wrong, I've been negative about a lot of things, but I still have this mentality that whatever it is, you can get through it. I expect everyone to come out on top. The thing I most often forget is that not everyone has the support system I have. My family is the greatest in the world, & my parents instilled such great values in us. Everyone's got a little dys in their function.

What I'm getting at is that I hate to see someone fall when they could have been saved. Even when times hit rock bottom, there is still light ahead. Of all the experiences I've had, nothing could have prepared me for February 7, 2010 11:38am. The world lost a very special person that day. This is my story, how I see it.

At 10:57, I was driving my cousin's car to retrieve some things from my car from the Docks. My cousin A knew I would be out & about, yet he didn't know when, if I had left yet, or not. Pulling out of the parking lot where my car was, I get a phone call. "Can you go pick up V, they took Ben to the hospital." I was just about to pass the cabins that they were at, coincidence? Ben, a glorious spirit, talented musician, & humble 25y/o was one of our great friends from out of town, even though at times he seemed to be an original Scottsborian. He's been around since 2008. Throughout those 2 yrs, he had managed to play for my Aunt's wedding, my graduation party, my cousin's parties, & every few wknds at the Docks (Restaurant/ Night life). We would drive to Huntsville just to see Ben, even if we had just heard him the day before. He did a lot of covers, but he also shared many originals w/ us. The melodies he could create were unbelievable. Words would flow from his mouth like an angel above. To top it off, he had an amazing personality, cracking jokes, and being sweet when necessary. He became apart of our little family, & he brought his family around us, too. He was very family oriented. Not living in my hometown, my family & friends grew closer to him than I did, but it didn't take long to fall in love w/ him. Canoe trips, being on the lake, eating at Hooter's, having heart to hearts about our families, watching AU football, going to A & M's house to see Ben living on the couch for the past 3 days. He had a little bit of a gypsy soul.

So when I received that phone call about him, I quickly assumed drug overdose, pump the stomach w/ charcoal, & call it a day. Not that I should think so lightly of the it all, but w/ my experiences of OD & working at a hospital where I see about 6-15 ingestions/month, that's what I assume. Not sure if you guys remember but in a previous entry, I mentioned how the greatest musicians died early, esp from drugs. He falls into that category...more potential, talent, love than most. Addiction is a dirty disease, & if ppl could only reach out for help before it's too late.

When I got to the cabin, I realized it was way more serious than I thought. The firetruck was pulling out & there were a few police cars remaining. I've known Ben's family since this summer, but not well enough to be there at that time. Taking my nurse role, I assessed the situation, tried to calm everyone, & plan what we needed to do. His mom was still there, so I offered to take her to the ER. We get in the car, not sure if I should put on my flashers & get there ASAP, drive normal, what. V & his mom are about to hyperventilate in the car. I start saying Hail Mary's. It is 11:21am as we drive to the ER. We get there, I hop out ready to run in the hospital. His mom stops & says, "I'm scared." I grab her, doing my best to console in this intense situation.

My grandma has lost 2 of her baby boys, one who was 13 & the other around 44. Even though she is the strongest woman a lot of ppl know, all my life she has broken down about her Billy. Then at Uncle Andy's funeral, I witnessed her squeal harder than I could ever imagine at the loss of a son. No parent should outlive their children. I'm scared too as we walked in, in fear for his mom.

V, his mom, & I walk into the consultation room. I wasn't sure if I should go or not, but she didn't have any family there, so I knew V & I would have to be for now. This doesn't look good. The EMT's come in then a nurse asking about health problems & what not. I txt my cousin A, get here now, he didnt' have a pulse the whole way to the ER. Then the MD walks in & tells us. It's over.

We hold her. Some other friends walk in. The ER waiting room fills w/in minutes of his Scottsboro friends. His older brother gets there. His dad is on the way to town. We stay there for about 2 1/2 hrs just standing outside of the consultation room where his family is. Seeing a grown man cry that day was nothing surprising. The hold that Ben had on us was like no other. For him to leave us, really hit the group hard. This is the worst thing we've ever experienced. Nobody knew what to say, so we shared funny stories of him & cried & cried & cried.

February 6, 2010- E & T's Stock the Bar Shower...Ben played. After the shower, we all went to the Docks, where he also played. Anytime he was playing, you know we were all up dancing, singing out hearts out. He had to have hated us trying to out-sing him & dancing like we knew how. It came to the point where we wanted to hear more of his originals than covers. (Even though he DOES sing "Into the Mystic" better than Van Morrison, himself.) I never realized how precious he was until that day. He came up to me, told me he hadn't drank in a few wks, was eating right, & exercising. I cheered him on. It really was a phenomenal p.m. Half of my cousins were there, Aunt M & Uncle C, & all of my friends. Ben knew how to draw a crowd. The last time I never knew I'd see Ben was around 0230a Feb 7, 2010.

We are just a small portion of his friends. Ben played w/ many other talented musicians & acquired many fans, regulars, & admirers.

Here I am today still dreaming about him, reminiscing, mourning, & listening to his music every time I drive. I am mad he's gone for many reasons: he was too young to die, he should't have died that way, he had much more to accomplish & would have musically, he needs to be here this summer strumming his guitar when we're all on the boat. One thing about Ben is that if you ever asked him to play, he never said "Nah, I don't feel like it...Later." He didn't play guitar to look cool or get girls (which came w/ it anyway:) ), or to say I'm a musician, blah blah. He was the epitome of a humble man. You usually don't find that in a 25y/o. He is w/ God now though, which is the sweetest gift he'll ever receive.

We miss you, Ben... and in his own words: "There's people we lost, ohh people love, yeah. Some call it irony, but I call it signs from above."

Is your nose running? Better go catch it!!!

Back again. On this frigid 30th of Jan, I'm sitting here engaging in "Tough Love" (Vh1 Season 2. Kind of your He's just not that into You but w/ a we're going to tell you how to get a man so stop caking on your makeup & gold digging twist) & drinking coffee at 0532p. My roommate is gone so I have even more time to dwell on the embarrassing moments of my life.

I probably picked the wrong profession being the most awkward person ever. Every single job I've had, I've had to put myself out there, creating chances upon chances to be embarrassed. Should have been a telemarketer. Back in my vet tech days, I had dogs lose bowels on me in front of attractive guys or one time, a German Shepard rip my "smock" top from the waist to shoulder seam. Then the lady asked me to hold her BABY while she put the dog in the car. NO MA'AM! So he can go Cujo on me??! To top it off, all I could do was laugh b/c I was shaking uncontrollably after the mouth of JAWS came towards my flesh!

In the restaurant business, I began as a hostess. Not too shabby of a job for me b/c I love to smile and carry on w/ ppl. HOWEVER, not everyone wants to carry on w/ me. Can't see why?!? Then as a server, you have ppl jumping down your throat b/c they've chugged 47 Dr. Pepper's in 4 min, & you don't have time to refill or their food is late. You don't need all that sugar/caffeine anyway!I hate confrontation or anything that could possibly make me sweat, get flushed (which is about everything).

As a nurse, I do encounter extremely awkward moments on average- daily. They didn't tell us in nursing school that you also had to be an engineer. The cap never comes off the IV tubing after you've already prepped everything. Inserting catheters are A LOT different than practicing on mannequins. Wires tangle worse than Weeping willow on a windy day. Not too mention, I'm clumsy, ungraceful, and as hard as I try to not be, unladylike. What do you do?

Helping a nurse 2 nights ago drawing blood. X-Ray guy is at the bedside too. The team of MD's to my right. I'm leaned over the bed. (P.S. my nose runs nonstop once I enter the Hospital. It's clear though (sorry, super gross), so it's not an infection. Not sure why?) As I'm leaning over I can see what appears to be my nose running...Not sure b/c it's clear. Then I do see it hanging from my nose pass recovery. The other nurse says "Ohhhh." I said, 'Oh Gosh!" as I turn around trying to clean up w/out touching anything. FAILURE. I have to walk off, fix myself, wash my hands, & return. Redder than a cherry tomato, I attempt to make light of the situation & say, "Sorry guys, looks like I have the RSV!" NOT A SOUND. No one laughs, no one says 'oh, no prob', no one even says gross!!!!! MORTIFIED.

The 1st word of OCD is obsessive. That's what I do. I wasn't really close enough w/ the nurses to be like, "Whoa, listened to what happened to me. Say something to make me feel better", so I sit there for the next 11 HOURS laughing, almost crying, obsessing. Hahah. I really am such an odd bird. Probably should be on the OCD show on A&E. I pretty much have a complex about every inch of my body. I'm proportional but I do have my Dad's hands/feet. Size 9 1/2 isn't always the prettiest. I like to have my nails painted/manicured at all times b/c it makes me feel more feminine. Oh wait, I entered a profession where nail polish/jewelry is prohibited. To reveal my craziness, when I'm driving for a long time or making frequent stops, I get so anxious that ppl are looking at how big my hands are gripping the steering wheel, esp since my wrists are small, making the illusion worse. I ponder should I drive 10 & 2, one hand on the bottom, one on the top. It becomes an issue. Then when they don't see a ring on my finger, they're thinking no wonder- MAN HANDS (like the Seinfeld episode). In reality, no one probably notices, but I'm sure there's that one person. hahah.

It's been that way since I day one. I've always been so stinking obsessive-compulsive! For some reason wearing open toe shoes in elementary was a big deal. Not sure why, but I would not wear sandals unless my toes were painted, which wasn't on a regular basis. I can remember one night staying up so late (prob around 0930 ha) trying to get that damn iridescent purple just right! I probably went through an entire bottle of nail polish remover & cotton balls. I was convinced that their were alligators under my bed, probably a lot longer than I should have. I would never put my feet under my bed or hang them off the side, & I'm still that way TODAY as a 23y/o!!! Vampires? Don't even get me started. I slept w/ my covers tucked tight around my neck for my entire 3rd grad yr just from seeing Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Oh The Lost Boys. It came on last wk, & I still couldn't watch it!!!) I begged Mom to please let me have the garlic at Grandma's house. That is not healthy! hhaha.

Embarrassing story #2. Aunt Mary & my cousin Erin came to visit Tues. We had the best of time! Wed, we went shopping. I had finished trying on so I was sitting w/ E waiting on Mary. She came out of the room & asked us how we liked her shirt. We both loved it. I told her how cute it was, & then it went sour. I said, "Buy the shirt for sure, but I'm not soooo sure about those pants." My dearest Aunt says, "These pants are the pants I wore in!" hahahahhahahah UH OH. I said, "just kidding." Didn't work. hahahha. Dangit. Who am I? I have got to stop talking!!!!!

Luckily, she took it lightly, & honestly, w/ her shirt the pants looked just fine, according to myself, the fine fashion critic I am. ha.

Have a good wknd!!! Love!

You Can't Have your Cake & Eat it Too.

Here I am! There's so much to cover in this entry! We've had a the holidays, MY BIRTHDAY, & clearly, I'm a working woman now (haha). I'm now 23 with a full time job, health insurance in my own name, and putting a % of my check into a 401k. Whoa, that was a little much for me to say. In reality, though, I LOVE IT! As cheesy or trite this may seem, it really is amazing to have the job you've dreamed of for yrs & actually enjoy it. I'm now on the graveyard shift; sleep is tough, money is good. I'm young & might as well do it now! I worked in the burn unit yesterday. It was very upsetting & depressing. I respect anyone who can work in that environment. That's where my wonderful Grandma Dora started out at John Sealy in Galveston, TX!!

I'm kind of stuck in a place in my life wondering where to go. I know what I need & want, but I don't always do the things needed to get there. Most of my friends are still in college, so I'm still in that mentality. At least I was. I went to visit T in Auburn this past Friday. Auburn really is the most gorgeous college campus/town in AL. We make an appearance at a get together. We walk in & mingle like the little butterflies we are. For some reason, I decide to stand back & look around. I'm the only brunette, for one, & I realize everyone there is living up their Fridays b/c they were in class all day. There are freshman to 5yr seniors all around. No doubt that I had fun w/ my friends, but I was a little bummed. I mean I'm only 23, but I'm too old to be around those youngins. Hhaha. LIFE.

Story: getting put in my place. My birthday, which my mom & I think is the most important day of the yr was Dec. 30. I know I seem a bit obnoxious, but growing up, my mom made the biggest deals out of every one's bdays. Anddddd, actually you should. It's the only day you have to yourself. It need be celebrated & appreciated to have made it one more yr!!!!! I celebrate w/ my friends on the 29th. Being the loud & somewhat too intense person that I am, I let everyone know it's my bday starting on Dec 26-Jan 4. (Extreme.) On my actual bday my family (42+) go out for dinner. My family really is the limelight of my life. We're all so much stinking alike, there are plenty of us to go around, & we sure all enjoy a little R&R to maybe some wine, PBR, or Busch Gold. Yep, that's us. Well my cousin A & I make our way around town on this glorious day of mine. There's live music, phenomenal, but the crowd- what a dud. I decide to be my normal self esp a few brewskies later & announce to the crowd that it, in fact, is my birthday during a song break. Let's just say, it was so quiet I could hear the faucet drip in the bathroom. I become ever so offended, look around, & say, "WHO ARE YOU PPL?! REALLY?" Needless to say, I wasn't the coolest person of the p.m.

Can you have your cake & eat it too? Do you feel like that saying is a contradiction? If I have some cake, you better be sure I'm going to eat it. Probably all of it to be exact. However, it is a saying I throw out all the time in arguments or when I realize I'm being selfish. It's like not wanting a boy anymore, but you don't want him to be with anyone else either. I totally see how it applies to that, b/c as a female, I know we always feel that way. In literal translation, I don't think you would have a cake & let it sit there. It would mold, & then the icing will get hard & crusty. Hmm, maybe that's what would happen to the boys if you didn't let anyone else have them? By golly, I think I just figured it out!! hahahahha

I'm reading Liberty & Tyranny. Quite a delight it is. It's very informative & quotes the Founders/Framers of this country with what the Constitution stands for. I was reading it at work (400am), & being the nerd I am, I was highlighting & underlining. Some nurses asked what I was reading. When told, they were like, "OH, sure sounds good." Sorry, I only read non-fictional books, & I'm learning a hell of a lot!

I'll be back soon, promise! There are a few more funny/embarrassing stories up my sleeve! LOVE!